The Afterlife

When I was in High School, there were quite a few "kids" who made life miserable for me. They would make fun of my clothes for not being the latest trends...my hair was always too long or too frizzy or too something...I had big lips (NOT in style when I was in school) so I was given endless grief and many non-repeatable nicknames...I was told often how ugly and stupid I was...I was considered too nerdy even for some of the nerds! The only thing that got me through (well, not the only thing...but a very strong motivator) was the knowledge that my life did not end at graduation. I focused on my life ahead...I wanted to be an awesome wife and mom...I wanted to become a writer and maybe one day teach other women. I had to put away any hopes of being liked in High School because that was never going to happen and, instead, set my sites on what my life would become later.
Here I am...later. I am a wife...I am a mom...I am a writer...I am a teacher. I am living the dream! So, why is it that I still listen to the voice of that High School girl inside of me? My husband tells me I'm beautiful and I instantly remember that first day of 10th Grade when a certain popular boy walked into Geometry and sat down next to me...he looked at me, realizing where he'd sat, gave my face a good going over, got up, and moved to another seat. I tell myself, "you're not beautiful!"
My kids tell me I'm so much fun to play with and I instantly remember that day in Athletics when all the girls in the lockerroom told me how I moved like a chicken having seizures and I'd never amount to anything, physically speaking. I tell myself, "you're no fun!"
I have one item published and another on its way to the publisher's as we speak and I instantly think of the laughter I received from always writing things so "stupid" in school. I tell myself, "no one will read this."
I have taught the ladies classes at church for years with more joy than I can put into words... and here is where it starts turning around. For me, the teacher will always learn more than her students. I teach these ladies from God's Word...the Word that says to never live in the past... to forgive...to love...to know that God is God. I am not beautiful, fun, smart, or instructive...without God. With Him, I am everything I've ever imagined and more. There is life after High School... but only when I live it!!!

Open the Present

Since the last post, my life has changed dramatically. Daddy has died; Rinette has died; Marvin has died. It's been the proverbial anvil dropping on our heads over and over. But you know what? I'm still here. I'm still waking up in the morning. I'm still washing clothes and cooking meals for my family. I'm still kissing boo-boos and spanking bottoms. I'm still making beds and sweeping floors. I'm still reading bedtime stories and tucking in sweet children. I'm still doing everything the day demands of me....I'm just doing it with more perspective than ever before. Everything matters now....much more than it did before. Each second of the each day is a gift. I heard it said once that the present is just that...a present...we unwrap today as the gift that it is and we are grateful for everything it gives us.
I am determined to consider it pure joy. It's not really very hard most of the time.

Marching On

This post is just ramblings. I have no pretty thoughts to share or wise sayings to pass along. I am just sitting at my dining room table at 7:46 in the morning, drinking my Spark, and waiting to get motivated to do the daily housework.

Today's Friday. Friday means Maggie's school library book is due back. It means I will keep Cameron from 12:30 to 3:30. It means I will wash all our light clothes and clean the kids' bedrooms. It usually means we have pizza for supper and watch something silly on T.V. (seen the latest Backyardigans? Robin Hood the Clean...). However, we had pizza last night (Kashi...very healthy!) so we'll have spaghetti tonight.

Phoenix is sick. He's been running a fever since Wednesday night. We made him a pallet on our floor last night so I could hear him breathing all night long. Believe me, I count their breaths when they're sick.

Maggie is getting so big. She comes in from school in the afternoons and has chores that actually help me out these days. No more of those baby chores (help Mommy open the door...help Mommy pick up these blocks...help Mommy put your pillows on your bed). Now, she unloads the days' last load of laundry from the drier, folds them, and puts them away. Then, she straightens and vacuums the living room. After dinner, she scrapes the plates and then wipes down the table and chairs. She's a true helper to me. And I pray that I'm rewarding her enough.

We have a gold star system. The children have activities to achieve and rewards to work toward. Maggie's three activities at the moment are Picking up her Toys, Helping Around the House, and Eating her Dinner with a Smile. She's doing a marvelous job (except for the other night when we had beans as part of dinner). Phoenix's two activities are Being a Good Listener and Going to the Potty. He's a champ and is ECSTATIC with each gold star earned. Luke's one activity is to Go to Bed on Time...AND STAY IN BED!!!! He's pretty good about it. :)

When Luke reaches 6 stars, he will get a small prize (to be determined), when Phoenix reaches 8 stars, he gets an extra story at bedtime, and when Maggie gets 12 stars, she will get a special treat (like ice cream or a cupcake). They are working like the wind to earn those prizes...and in the meantime, our house is a much smoother-run household.

Well, I've rambled enough. Love to hear from everyone. Thanks for reading.

Month of Love

February. Ah...the month of love. The much-anticipated month for those freshly dating...planning Valentine picnics and surprise flowers...giving chocolates and kisses to those for whom our hearts go pitter-patter. The month during which stores hang pink, red, purple hearts and offer plush wonders that must mean romance. February.
This February was definitely about love for our family. On February 7th, I had a hysterectomy. It was the old-fashioned kind ending with 14 staples in my abdomen and a 6 to 8 week recovery (and for those of you doing the math, I'm on week 7 today). The love shown to me during this time was overwhelming...it was the love of Christ. My church family made sure we had a warm (and often home cooked) meal on our doorstep every single night...sometimes we had two meals show up simply because, although someone hadn't signed up to bring us something, they'd been thinking of us that day and wanted to show they cared. In addition to this, my mother came to stay with us for a few weeks. She was amazing. She is the kind of person who can serve you in every way you need without having to be asked and without you even knowing she's done it!
Mom planned to stay with me the full six weeks to help out with our children and the housework...but Dad got sick. Dad just hadn't been feeling well and finally went to the doctor. They thought he had a pinched nerve in his back (sciatic nerve - ouch!) so he had an MRI. The MRI showed cancer. Mom went right home. The love she showed me was a totally different kind of love than what she has for my father. She married him at the age of 17 and feels just as bound to him today as she did then.
The cancer turned out to be small cell lung cancer...the very scary kind that travels fast and is not easy to fight. It is in his lungs, of course, but also his liver, his bones, and in his brain. The love I feel for my father...for my mother...for my brothers and sister has come crashing into reality for me this month. And the example of love between my parents is beyond anything that could come wrapped in a heart-shaped package.
Love is patient. It waits for God's will instead of medical test results. Love is kind. It soothes where there is hurt and pays no attention to awkwardness during illness. Love does not envy. It doesn't look around at all the healthy people and think that life is unfair. Love does not boast. Even though it knows the best way and has eternal peace, there is no boasting. Love is not proud. For what happens to us could happen to anyone and the wisdom given to us is also shared amongst others. Love is not rude. Even when exhausted and at the end of one's rope, there is no rudeness. Love is not self-seeking. When one close to us lays hurting, it is not for us that we pray, but for their peace. Love is not easily angered. There are too many things to count pure joy to let anger enter love's being. Love keeps no record of wrongs. At the end of the day, wrongs are not what matters. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth...and what other truth is there than God!? Love ALWAYS protects, ALWAYS trusts, ALWAYS hopes, ALWAYS perseveres. It matters not what Satan throws in our way. Love NEVER fails!
My mother loves my father. This is the best Valentine's I've ever experienced.
I pray that all of you know such love.

Books for this Quarter

Books! Here's what I recommend -- "Aunt Jane of Kentucky" (can't remember the author); "No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency" by Alexander McCall Smith; "Beautiful in God's Eyes" by Elizabeth George (primarily for women). Generally speaking, anything by Martha Grimes and Carol O'Connell will feed your need for modern mystery. For classic mystery, try Dorothy Sayer.
Well, there's your list for this quarter...let me know what you think!!

Have a Holly Vomit Christmas

Christmas in Texas...Ho Ho Howdy!! Mark and I got to spend time here with my family...and his parents made the drive from Iowa to spend Christmas here too! We had all the ingredients for a terrific holiday: homemade food, too many gifts, air mattresses and made out couches, lit tree, and the stomach flu. Yep, almost every member of the family was puking their guts up Christmas Eve or a few days after. Nothing like a high fever to make your eyes bright on Christmas morning.
Maggie couldn't stand up by herself to open her gifts, so she lay in my lap while I opened them for her. Then, after she almost fainted, we got her relaxed and down for a nap. When she woke up, we had Christmas all over again because she had no memory of the first round.
We feel great now and the kids are all ecstatic over their new toys and books. I love that the kids like to get books as gifts. :) Excellent!
Well, I'd better go to Target and see if there's anything left on the sale racks. Please tell me about your Christmas!!

Back in Full Swing

Hello!
I am so sorry for being absent from blogging for so long...what a wild ride it's been these past few months! I miss blogging and hope this begins my second-wind for posting.
I started back to school but realized after a few weeks that I was short-changing my kids...so I quit. Yep, I quit college...again. :) I LOVE being available for all of Maggie's activities and for playing with my boys. I just can't sacrifice time with my family. You know? So...that's the latest. I guess the latest-latest is today's doctor's appt revealing my endometriosis is most likely back in full swing. Ah, those are the days...sitting in my pajamas, wrapped up in a heating-pad, drinking hot tea, hopped up on fioricet or lortab. Gotta love that. I'll be having surgery again soon...please pray for Mark and the kids during my recovery. A family can only survive so long on ramen noodles and hot dogs. :)